Oh The Guilt

 

Oh the guilt! The guilt of a mother, parent, teacher, child, student, sibling, aunt, leader, friend and writer!  I find it in conversations. I can hear it in accusations. I see it in my actions, and at times I feel it to the depths of my soul. It can stem from something small and insignificant or something life-changing.

I have missed two days of posting, and oh the guilt!

But as I explore my guilt; I instead find it is the NEED to write incases my every conversation, every thought: Man at retirement dinner that becomes weepy at telling his coworker good-bye, student in class that says something funny, my niece and nephew in Japan, the wildfires in Oklahoma City (the day after I wrote about fires), adults that act and react like children and children that are more mature in thoughts and actions, our trip to Kansas City, seeing family, nephews and Mohawk’s, spring cleaning, things I read on face book.

I feel like a news reporter looking for my next big “scoop.” The desire to write about it all is unyielding. My time on the other hand is not.

I am encouraged at the way I am now looking at things with a new perspective. I feel like what I write is more than just my wish to write. I feel like I am writing for a purpose. I feel like what I write is enjoyed or at least read. I feel like a writer.

I am anxious to have this week of spring break to consider my need to write more closely. The need I have discovered to write every day, and feel the story in everyday things. And I hope to find something in my discoveries to take back to my kiddos.

Guilt can be a good thing. It can open my eyes, give me something to reflect on, it helps me reassess, and gives me a starting point to turn something negative into something positive.

The trick is using it to FEEL like a change has occurred. To redirect that guilt into a need for the better, a need, a desire, and a want to see and be the change for something better. Even if it’s just for me.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Well said! I like the way you worked through your thoughts. Your thoughts are read and enjoyed, at least by me. Enjoy your spring break and discover!

    Reply

  2. I always joke that I thrive on guilt — it is my main motivator. So, I can relate to how guilt can be a good thing. I liked your reflection on how you see yourself as a writer and how it has evolved.

    Reply

  3. Posted by MaryHelen on March 14, 2011 at 1:25 am

    I love the comment of being like a news reporter. You do comb the day looking for possible posts. I did enjoy your writing and yes, you are a writer. Good stuff. I get the need; I feel like I’m addicted to slicing right now. It’s meeting a need to be in a community of thinkers like me. Great post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and enjoy your break. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Posted by Beth Rogers on March 14, 2011 at 2:07 am

    I love your final take on guilt – how you can use it to create change, something positive. That is powerful! Thank you.

    Reply

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